I had a good chat with some good people on Tuesday; thought I might share or rather ramble. This is a post that will end up being mostly directed at girls, probably in their teens. If this hits home with anyone younger than that...God help you.So, people, ladies in particular, what are you doing? Are you stupid, or is it just me who sees it that way? I know that society has managed to appall me quite vastly in a great number of ways over the few years I've been alive and conscious of some of the horrors that transpire, but who knew there could be such a big problem on the base level of life?
One word: Relationships.
A lot of people are looking for that Fairy Tale, that cliché Happily Ever After that, in the end, is likely not what one would call "possible". There is no "perfect guy" or "perfect girl" out there for anyone. We all have our shortcomings, we all make mistakes both ginormous and small and those are just a few facts of life. That "perfect person" isn't just going to show up and make your life suddenly full of sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows because no matter who they are you are going to end up facing challenges along the road. Another fact of life. It won't run smoothly and that is something we all need to come to terms with in order to move on.
Having said that, I'm now going to take a step back and come back with a realistic view on this. No, things will not be perfect, yes you will have to trudge through mud and rain and dismal situations to see the light again, and working things out together can make all the difference. But please, please, keep a small but firm grip on reality here! If you believe that that one person shows up who you think is your "special someone", they whisper those sweet nothings to you and give you compliments every day, they kiss you when they see you in the morning and they tell you they love you before they say goodbye, granted you're going to swoon. You're going to fall for them probably pretty hard and it'll be excruciatingly difficult to get back up again. But can you at least put some effort in to maintain a small amount of sanity and clarity? Here's where it's seriously directed at the ladies out there: Is it flattery or compliments? In other words, is the guy sincerely looking at you in the belief that you are beautiful or is he just saying that because he knows he'll get into your pants faster if he does?
Discern.
You have to keep in mind that there are people out there who don't care if you're in love with them, they don't care if you want a long-lasting relationship, they're just in it for the rush and the adrenaline, the good feeling it gives them. Is your "significant other" making choices that will help build a strong bond between the two of you and not tear that bond down? Are they taking your health and safety into account with the decisions they make and the life-style they choose to live? Or are you just throwing yourself away and giving everything up to make that person happy?
That's not exactly love, my friend. That is irrational and desperate.
He or she needs to treat you right, and that is something you have the ability and responsibility to demand for. You are not living to make that person happy and to make sure they're where they want to be at whatever the cost. You are there with them to build up a relationship together, to live on together, to create a future together. That means that they need to be conscious of you, your future, and your desires as much as you are of theirs because it is a team effort. Don't give your life away at the age of sixteen to someone your age who hasn't even fully gone through puberty yet, please, I implore you. Don't give me that "But I love him/her and I know that he/she loves me" crap. Are they conscious that you have a future to decide as well? Are they aware that you have things you want to discover, to try out, to explore, and are they ready to cheer you on through it or go through it with you, together?
If you're going out and saying "I just want to be there for them, that's all I want with my life," and you still haven't graduated from High School, you really need to get your priorities straightened out. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have the world to discover, your interests to uncover, and your future to create. Don't stick yourself to one person who may or may not be there with you two or even one year from now. Take a deep breath of common sense, take that slap in the face from reality. If you're just giving your life away to that certain immature (in body and mind) someone because you think that you've found true love, give it a good thought. If you're just hanging around because it's cool to be dating someone, it's the "thing to be doing", STOP and THINK. Notice how we've moved from italics to ALL CAPS. This is IMPORTANT. It's far too early for you to think of settling down as a housewife of all things and ditching the chance for future education because you "fell in love". What are you going to do all day, exactly? Stay at home for the rest of your life, cooking and cleaning and waiting for your dear significant other to come home from work?
...If that appeals to you, alright-y then. Enjoy. Have fun. Be my guest. But there is MORE out in the WORLD for you to EXPLORE. There is MORE to LIFE than that one person, there are more PEOPLE and he or she is NOT the ONLY ONE that will come close enough to whatever standards you have for the person you may or may not want to spend the rest of your life with. Don't just settle down with the first person who shows up who comes "close enough". You won't find the perfect person but you'll find someone who tries to be the best they can be for you. And if they're not trying to be the best for you...
Ditch them.
Naturally, it's a two way thing. You both have to try to be your best for the other person, support each other, and accept each others' support in your dreams and goals.
DON'T GIVE YOURSELF TO THE FIRST ONE WHO ASKS YOU OUT AND DON'T STICK WITH THEM BECAUSE YOU THINK THAT THAT IS LOVE. Honey, you don't know what love is. Love is patient, love is kind, love does not anger easily, love keeps no record of wrongs. Love protects, hopes, trusts, and perseveres. Is your "love" trying its best to keep those standards on both sides of the relationship? Are you both trying your best to be the best for each other?
In the end it'll look less like this...
And more like this:Don't throw yourself away so easily. You have a right to demand to be treated right. Use it.
