To Be Thankful For Suffering

     In the morning of the third of August, 2013, while I was in the kitchen baking the black midnight cake for my mother's birthday, I suddenly realized how it was possible to be thankful for suffering. I believe that the only reason for this is that I am, quite officially, thankful for the hardships I've recently undergone. "I do not regret", as I've said before. The reality of that actually hit me for some reason that I don't even understand.

     Why didn't I notice this before?

     Honestly, I have no idea. It doesn't make much sense. All I can say is that I am grateful that I've come to this realization. It's a freeing concept, a relieving thought, one that I would hope that all could come to terms with. In the end, however, it's probably safe to say that the only people who will come to terms with it are those who have undergone notable hardship, hardship that has brought them to the brink of despair, hardship that changed them.

     It would be a lie to say that I was still the same after some of the things I experienced within the last two years. I'm different from before, not only in body but in mind and heart as well, and I know it. If your hardships don't change you it's difficult to be thankful for them. The ones that change you are the ones you understand the reason for, the ones you can look back on and seriously believe that "yes, it was worth it, and this is why".

     I can be thankful for what has happened because I know that I have learned from it and changed for the better. I can be thankful for what has happened because I know that I came away from it better off than before. We can't always see the reason for why we go through what we go through, but there always is one. That is the theme of my life: There is a reason.

     Everything has a reason.

          There is always a reason.

               And that is why I always ask "why"?

     When you finally see the reason behind it, it feels like a splash of cold water on an unsuspecting face. A hard slap from reality. It's a beautiful thing. And yet, searching for the reason can be a long, tiresome process. The challenge there is not getting too caught up in that process, blinding yourself to everything else. The challenge is believing that there is indeed a reason to the turmoil, even when you can't see what it is.

       In the morning of the third of August, 2013, while I was in the kitchen baking the black midnight cake for my mother's birthday, I suddenly realized how it was possible to be thankful for suffering. A beautiful realization, most certainly.